Us vs. Them
There is nothing quite like a good story. The way a good story awakens something in our hearts is powerful. I’ve experienced a good story in a 1-minute commercial, a poem, or a book series with over 4 million words. The author and businessperson Donald Miller’s business’ foundation is the belief that stories are the most powerful tool that speaks directly to the heart. At the center of a good story is a hero.
When it comes to stories, there are several tropes that they fall into. One of the most common is the hero’s journey. Commonly the hero’s journey is used in the framework of good vs. evil. Seeing good triumph over evil is inspiring. It compels us that we can accomplish anything and the motivation that we can defeat the “evils” in our lives. A core foundation of this good vs. evil narrative is the necessity of an us vs. them dynamic. There has to be a good side and an evil side.
The us vs. them dynamic makes for a great story, but it rarely makes for a healthy mindset for life. I’ve noticed that the template of us vs. them gets used in ways that are unhealthy, counter-productive, and damaging. When this happens it hurts my heart. For us vs. them to work, at least one side has to be pitted against the other, and at some level, at least one side is led to believe that the other is unequivocally wrong. Often this is stretched to not only be wrong but evil. In the us vs. them narrative, the “thems” are almost always vilified.
In some cases, this dynamic is justified and appropriate. When I’ve fallen into the us vs. them trap and begun to vilify the “thems,” I find that I’m becoming a person I don’t want to be. I’m angry, impatient, and closed-minded. When I begin to categorize people by their beliefs (oftentimes one of their beliefs) I label them as a “them” and more than likely evil.
The truth is that there will be plenty of people we will disagree with. In some cases, we can ignore them. However, the situations I find the most challenging are the ones where I have to interact with them regularly. While I’m far from perfect, here are three thoughts I try to remember when I fall into the us vs. them mindset.
- Do our differences of opinion make this person a bad person?
- What harm am I doing to myself and others by categorizing this person as a “them.”
- Can I change this person by having an us vs. them mindset?
Good and evil, us vs. them, make for compelling stories. They give a platform for heroes, but that means there is an enemy. Perhaps I’m too idealistic and it is impossible to avoid an us vs. them mindset. I’d like to believe that we are in a world of abundance and we can accomplish more together rather than apart.